 The Liz goes to the holy land to learn bike gaming.
So allegedly I spent 3 months this summer racing in Belgium... The one statement I heard over and over was pretty much as follows "Why the crap would you want to do that?" It's been bugging me for a while, plus my life is boring so I figured I'd debunk the "Belgium Sucks Big Donkey Balls" myth. As follows is my list of 10 reasons Belgium doesn't suck donkey balls.
1) Beer tons of fucking beer, good beer. even the beer that's considered cat piss is better than ours.
2) Racing on pave, climbing on pave, crashing on pave (see scar on my left ass for further info) You have to be a bad ass to race well on pave. Your eyes vibrate in your head, your fingers hurt for days after and in many cases you loose feeling in your hands. SWEET!!!
3) Eddy Merckx will serve you espresso and give you his personal bike after your piece of crap Merckx cracks again from racing on before mentioned pave. (This is a whole story un-to-itself for another time kiddies, but it really happened, scouts honor, not that I give a crap what you think, go scratch, so there.)
4) When you get off the plane they bring your bike out on a velvet covered chaise lounge carried by 4 ex members of Domo-Farm Frites. I'm not sure who they were, but damn my bike was treated like royalty, a nice change from the baggage handlers in the States that slap it around like a cheap hooker.
5) Cycling is cool there. Old fat men come up to you before races and pinch you to see what shape you're in and then they bet real money on you. And that's just the women's races.
6) Watching the U23 guys race. It's like the World Championships every race. Amazing. It's really the most exciting racing I've ever seen.
7) Bike lanes. Nuff said.
8) Sven Nys' physio massaged me 2 times a week for 20 euros. My legs never got so much love.
9) Frites with mayo. and beer.
10) A girl puked on my leg in a race and the bitch kept right on racing. That was just about the sexiest thing a girl ever did.
I'm getting hard just thinking about next year...
|
