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JMurder: Training With Anger |
 Jmurder.com on making the Tour de France a better bike race.
Training With Anger: Making the Tour Better
here, man. The Tour de France is supposed to be like the biggest bike game out there. But man, it ain't cool. I have a few ideas on how to make it cooler.
1. Go to the chase format. Yeah, that's right. Could you imagine that after the last rest day we whipe some poor loser's 8 minute lead and knock it down to like 24 seconds? That would be the junk. NASCAR is better than anything, and if they can do it and make it work, freakin bike driving should too. And that's a fact.
2. Topless podium girls. I don't think I have to go into details here. Just one word: Topless and girl.
3. Let the riders fight. Yeah, like when someone gets cut off in a sprint or something, wouldn't it be awesome if they threw down? Yes, it would. And this could solve their current situation. Let Landis and Oscar P. throwdown for the World Bike Driving Title of France. More people would watch that anyways, although it would be like watching a girl fight without the boobs.
4. Free tacos. Yep. Give everyone that watches that bore-crapfest free tacos. Not the drunk Euros that go see that crap in person, but all of us here that watch it, or more importantly, don't watch it. The only people who watch it now are bike drivers who try to learn some new moves that they go out and try to pull off but they can't. Free Tacos, I'd watch if there was some tacos in it for me.
5. Better riders. Yeah, we need riders we can identify with, so therefore, only let Americans in. Next put Americans we care about in there, like Kate from Lost and Veronica Mars. And instead of bike gear make them wear nothing. And instead of driving bikes make them kiss each other, while pouring Jack Daniels on themselves and make them lick it off. Yeah. That's it.
So in sumation, the World Bike Driving Chapionship of France would be much more interesting if there was a chase format, topless podium girls, fights, tacos, and hot chicks making out instead of Euros on bikes.
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